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You remember those Disney cartoon moments when Donald Duck would get extremely angry–like red face, steam shooting out of his ears, head so hot you can fry an egg on it kind of angry? Well that's how I imagine I've been looking the past few weeks.
Honestly, I've been all types of pissed off lately. My kids are driving me insane! My 4-year old daughter, Sarai, is among the brightest crayons in the box, but recently she's been testing my nerves and has been super disobedient lately. I tried wording things differently when I'd ask her to do something, giving her the benefit of the doubt that maybe she just doesn't understand. But nope that's, not it. She is seriously testing me.
I think she's at that stage where she just wants to feel out where mom's crazy level is. And interestingly enough, my 2-year-old son Uriah–and the epitome of "the terrible twos–" is actually surpassing her in reaching my snapping point. Not only does he not listen but he insists on watching TV with his hands down his pants (both front and back) and wants the luxury of taking off his diaper whenever he feels like it.
And nap time? I'd have better luck pulling teeth from an angry alligator. It always takes no less than an hour to get them down before they finally get tired of fighting me.
All of this has been making me feel like a huge failure as a mom.
I can't get my children to just be obedient. I feel like I have zero control. Like I'm the worst mother ever. I wondered, What was I doing wrong?! What happened? How did it get this way?
Maybe you think I need to take a chill pill 'cause realistically, mom life isn't gonna be like this forever. Or maybe your advice would be to just enjoy them while they're young and don't be so hard on them because after all, they're just toddlers.
All of that sounds wonderful when your not smack-dab in the middle of dealing with it. I tried telling myself to relax, that it's not that big of a deal, but then fear started to rise up.
I didn't want my kids to be “those kids,” you know, the ones you see in public and think, If that was me when I was a kid, my mom would've...
I knew I had to change my perspective.
Looking around is probably the worst thing to do in any tough situation. The best thing to do is to look up, focusing on the One that created it all, the (only) One who actually has full control.
So I did what I needed to do: I stopped stressing about it and just prayed about it, begging God to help me be better, to help me find a way to get my babies back on track. I just felt so helpless.
And just like that, God reminded me of something in His oh-so-clever way:
I too act like a disobedient brat when I'm not spending quality time with Him.
I was reminded of the many times I've failed at listening to God because I wasn't spending as much quality time with Him as I need to. I was quickly convicted.
As a stay at home mom, I typically spend the entire day with my kids, but had to ask myself how much quality time have I spent speaking to them, not at them? How often am I engaging their budding personalities and really pouring into them? Not as much as I should.
I realized they're acting out moments are just their way of begging for more of me. Just going through the motions and daily routines are becoming detrimental to the behavior of my children, as it also does to my behavior God's daughter.
To stay connected with God, if I pray, that's all good. But if I'm not allowing Him to speak to me by reading the Bible, it's really just a one-sided conversation...which is probably what my kids have been feeling.
So needless to say, I've got some attention to give to my little humans. If I'm expecting my children to listen to me, I too need to listen to them. And now I see if I don't give God space to talk to me, it's easier for me to disobey His word. The closer and stronger the relationship I have with Him, the more I want to obey His word. God always has His way meeting me right where I am to help me understand His heart for me.
My mission is to be the best me I can be because ultimately my relationship with my children is a reflection of my relationship with Christ. I'm not perfect. In fact, I'm far from it. But that's the beauty of it all.
I'm not perfect. I'm far from it. But that's the beauty of it all.
We are all simply daughters. No matter our age, race, size, or title we are just beautiful little girls in God's eyes. And He is the loving compassionate Father, walking alongside us, holding our hands through the rough patches, and continuing to be the example for us to emulate.
I'm not a failure. I'm not inadequate. I AM a daughter still learning from the Father.
What are the ways you connect with God's heart? How do you feel when you're not consistent in spending the time you need with Him? And if you're a mom, have you ever felt like you missed the mark? Share your heart in the comments below!